an email i was gonna write to a girl who i started an online relationship with

Hey!
I found some time here (at school) and wanted to wwrite u a few things:
1) You said that u think quite often about marriage and children...That's fine and perfectly normal, just why did you bring it up around me? I still want to party and have fun. I know that's what ur all about so why ruin the situation by bringing up such serious issues like marriage and kids???
2) You said that ur not really relaxed all the time - in fact i understood that u were saying that ur constantly worrying and nervous...I dont need that noise in my life, know what I'm saying??? I need to be around relaxed people...because I'm the one who's usually uptight...Most of my good friends throughtout life have been the relaxed types - I get along w those way better than w the uptight nervous types. So please clear that up for me, bc if ur an uptight type I think it's better that we dont get together - just so we dont waste each other's time...
3) You're always deppressed and shit. Snap the fuck out of it. I'm the one who's always depressed and I hate being around depressed people bc they depress me even more. So if ui really r uptight and depressed than at least dont tell me about it and make sure it's not noticeable if u want to get together. ok?

Obviously (to whom?? to me!) I didnt send this to her nor would I for 2 reasons:
1) Because it's not %100 true. I am overplaying certain characteristics I thought I picked up on...Like she's really not always depressed...she just seems like it - she never actually says so explicitly. Maybe I read alittle too much into her posts - it is web-chat after all.
2) This is a slightly despicable letter. U don't tell someone to "snap the fuck out of it" unless they've done something direly wrong. And there was no wrongdoing in this case...In general, I think I might have been taking out my frustrations on her in this letter. Maybe I'M the one who cant deal with my anxiety and the uncertaity of my future so I'm pretending that it's someone else and I'm giving it to them when I should b giving it to myself!

So I be looking for chicks

Where ever they are that's where I go
although I'm too slow
it's a pity
maybe by the time I'm fifty
I'll get laid
and I'll have a respectable trade
tht will provide me with ample income
everyone sins some
do't worry bout it - it's been done
before. Ava adore. Carress me some more
and yet I still fantasize about a bride
with her fingers on my skin
lying by my side
with a round ---
what's the fuss?
In god I trust
I dont wear musk nor hunt for tusks at dusk eat fruit no husk

Flesh goes home

here's a crappy poem:

look at the skin
the bones and veins underneath
all the pleasures you can have
for the moment it will be wonderful
though one day it will come to an end
as the spirit goes off into space
wondering confused getting used to the new reality
of living only non corporeally
dirt mud and soil cover the flesh
settle in there guy
it's where you belong
you know you'll feel at home
what have you then?
just your memories
and the knowledge of accomplishments and deeds
what will you do then?
no food or drink or wine
what will you be busy with?
who will you talk to?
others like you?
account for time and actions
it will be like seeing the ultimate shrink
in the end you'll be free

Warped and loathsome dream

I was over by a friend - let's call him Skip. Skip does different kinds of drugs. It was Shabbat? I was sleeping in his house - only it wasn't his house - it was a room inside an actual building. I was lying on my bed and Skip gives me a small piece of clear sticker still on it's paper. Acid. LSD. Never tried it before so I take the plunge. Only took a piece of it. Put it in my mouth. Was in some kind of foreign country. Or maybe not. It felt like Turkey or sapin or Greece. Walking on a hill. The drug taking effect on me. I am high. Is this acid? Arabs, good-looking confident girls around me walking down cobblestone streets. A guy with a yarmulke on his head dressed in dress clothes walking and talking to me, to other people on the street. I end up walking next to him. Skip is kinda out of the picture. He's with me but not really interacting with him. Nervous feeling in my stomach. I don't like this - any of it. And it's not the drug. I'm actually handling the drug nicely....end.